3. Skill building. While working with a coach, Adders develop skills which help make their world and their lives more consistent. These skills help them translate great ideas into concrete steps which move them in a desired direction. New habits, however, take time and many months (or longer) of patient practice and reinforcement. Areas the coach and client might focus on include:

Time Management. Learning to estimate how long something will take and planning backwards to when one will need to start is a skill often born of severe disappointments. Things generally take twice as long as we anticipate. Managing time is a three-step process, so your coach may suggest

 

learn about and select the tools (watches, beepers, calendars, day planner, etc.) put them in place (buy the tools and put them in place) use them

 

Which of the three steps is the hardest for you? What are the priorities you want to manage better? How can it be easy?

 

Setting Boundaries. The idea is to recognise that you have time limits. Clients learn that they have full permission to say "no" when appropriate. When someone requests that we do something, we have at least four options: 1) say "yes" if you want to do it and have time; 2) say "no" if you don't want to do it (your time commitments are full or the request is not aligned with your values), 3) offer a qualified "yes," spell out the changes you want; 4) say "I'll got back to you by (specific day and time). Neglecting to respond is discouraged as an option.

 

Handling Transitions. An early challenge for the ADD person is handing the ADD diagnosis. The transition from thinking you're "lazy, crazy, or stupid" to realising you are not alone in how you perceive the world is thrilling and depressing at the same time. These mixed feelings accompany other transitions: student to worker, married to divorced, single to married, moving from one task to another. What will you tell your coach or "inner coach" about how you handle change? The most intense fears can arise before the point of transition. How can you reassure and pamper yourself today?

 

Taming the Inner Critics. At one time or another everyone hears an inner critic, that negative, belittling, sarcastic voice that says "You don't deserve," "You should, ought, and must...," "You'll never succeed," "You're too afraid," and worse.

 

The first step is being aware of the negative voice and identify the messages.The second step, the point of change, is differentiating one's self from this bothersome gremlin so that you can recognise your option. The third step is to continue detaching from the gremlin by deliberately substituting an affirmation based on your values. For instance, a client came up with " I am a good person and deserve good in my life. I live in harmony." What's an affirmation you can reach for when the gremlin sneaks in?

 

You may also substitute the word "could" for the gremlin's "should"; this simple replacement can be quite freeing.

 

Goal Setting. Here the New Oceans POWEERR well-formed outcome model and the reporter's 5W's come in handy. The coach may ask, Who's setting the goal? What specifically will you do? When will you do it? Why is this approach better than that? How will I know when it's done? What are the consequences if you do not take steps toward that goal? Pretty soon you will have an "inner coach" asking you these questions. Make sure it isn't the gremlin asking.

 

Holding the image steady. This is a technique developed from neuro-linguistic programming. You may feel you are bouncing around from project to project, all unfinished, and everything seems to jump out at you at once. The coach may suggest a way to steady one image at a time and keep it still. Internal representations can be slowed down and focused on as you choose using this method of mental discipline. The idea is to select a positive image (such as your favourite food), really inspect it as to size, shape colour, texture, aroma, and make just one change at a time. Bring it closer, farther away, in black and white, a blurry image. The food will probably lose its appeal because you have done such a good job changing the way you represent it. Refine this skill by practising on easy images, and you will have another tool to find direction and plan your future. What image of your success do you want to hold steady? Will you grant the coach permission to remind you of your image when you have forgotten?

4. Strategies. Strategies are the artful means we use to move from current reality to implementing your goal, vision, or mission statement. Generals use strategies to plan and direct their operations and manoeuvre their forces into the most advantageous position prior to actual engagement with the enemy. Your coach will guide you in thinking strategically with these suggestions:

Set Up a Reward System. This popular strategy seems to come naturally to non-ADD people. Here the idea is to set a time limit on a task and reward yourself for working until the time is up. Or commit to finish one more page of a long report and then take a lunch break. This pacing of work and play may seem unnatural and weird at first, but will ultimately put you in an advantageous position to accomplish long range goals. What will recharge your batteries?

 

Break It Down. Break large jobs into smaller, more manageable pieces. This may be a new perspective for all-or-nothing people, but with step-by-step persistence and courage, the task will get done. Instead of tackling the whole kitchen, start with one silverware drawer; instead of cleaning out the whole closet, start with just the things on the floor. How can you have it be fun?

 

Establish Markers of Completion at each Step. Asking a supervisor to check one's work daily or weekly to verify completion of each step can feel intimidating but is helpful in many cases. Another marker might be to leave the coach a message that "Part A is now complete." Later the coach might ask, "What territory have you taken?" or "What keeps you on track?" What will you use to mark progress toward your goals?

 

Habit Training. The plan here is to attach a new pattern or habit you wish to include in your daily living to a habit that is already established. You may decide, for instance, to link washing your face in the morning (an old pattern) with taking your medications (a new pattern) right after. What new pattern do you want to learn that you can tack on to one you already know?

 

Strategic Planning Images. These are visual aids for getting as big a picture as you can as well as noticing the small steps and details you will take along the way.

 

a. Tic-tac-toe lines. Here you start with the goal in mind. The centre square is the goal desired outcome. The open boxes to the sides represent the steps that will be taken to reach the goal (with estimated completion times). If the goal has several phases, each open box can become the centre of anew tic-tac-toe design.

b. Look Ahead Three Steps The figure here is able to see ahead three steps, but then the forecasting becomes hazy and the options less defined. Move ahead the three steps you can see and trust the way will become clearer as you progress.

People with ADD are intelligent, loving, creative, loyal, intuitive, energetic, spontaneous and fun to be around. Many thrive on the stable coaching structure. The coach is your ally keeping you on track, your partner when shifting ideas into action, and your scout helping you anticipate and avoid road blocks. Coaches help clients reach destinations never dreamed possible by holding the big picture until the client can hold it himself, by asking questions that provoke self-awareness and responsibility, and by making requests that the client take action.

Coaching falls between consulting and psychotherapy. Like consultants, coaches are often called in to address a business problem or assess a work performance situation: but unlike consultants who give advice, coaches seek solutions from the client to help the client move forward. Then the client's change in behaviour and attitude is permanent. The coach has helped the client bring out his or her best.

Like therapy, coaching is an on-going relationship with emphasis on listening, understanding, and bringing internal obstacles to the surface. In addition, coaching uses requests for action and accountability. An ADD coach works with people who have identified areas they wish control over such as:

• work or school performance
• organisation, such as maintaining a home
• interpersonal social skills, such as difficulty listening or setting boundaries
• emotional ups and downs, especially those that come with sharp life transitions.

Coaching clients are eager to move to a higher level of functioning; this might mean increased productivity, better life balance, or more personal satisfaction. They are unsure how to take the steps to accomplish this. Often coaching, with its theme of focus, clarity, planning, and action, is the missing link that gets people thinking about their values and moving forward.