The Use of NLP With Children Judy Tozeland

One of the exciting aspects of my career as a school social worker is the direct involvement with children. The students I see range in age from 4 to 16 years old. Although the presenting problems vary considerably, it has my experience that there is always an underlying emotional base to dysfunctional behaviour.

There are many ways of addressing this issue. Working with parents, the family, teachers and the individual are all intervention strategies.. For the purpose of this discussion I wish to focus on the individual work with the student. Given the nature of my working environment I generally have at best, thirty to forty minutes with each student. I must, therefore, make my interventions brief and pointed in order to minimize limited time constraints. The skills of NLP and Time Line Therapy tm , lend themselves very effectively to my situation.

Basic beliefs I have when working with children begin with the belief they are telling you their story in their own way. The challenge is to read the metaphorical language accurately. Children are very understanding, forgiving and tenacious. If you are on the wrong track they will let you know, usually by withdrawing, misbehaving or becoming distracted. Once you come back on track they will continue their story. The indicators I have noticed of when I’m off track are the child’s distractibility to the task, or they withdraw from the activity or they say “Can I go back to class now” (the very direct approach if I am particularly dense that day).

Another basic belief is that they have the emotional resources within them to handle whatever difficulties they are experiencing. I also believe that children (or any person) are doing the best they can, given their life circumstances at that moment in time. Of paramount concern during therapy with children is that they are physically and emotionally safe with you.

I begin first with the telling of their story. This is critical to the ongoing assessment of their emotional state as well as resolution of the negative emotions. Frequently with children 10 and under I will have them draw to express themselves. Through their art, themes arise which illustrate their inner emotional state. From this a therapeutic metaphor or story will frequently arise where emotional and physical resources are put in the story to solve the problem. This assists the child to discover and utilize the resources within themselves. Suggestions are made which enhance the child’s strengths, which have already been observed, and are then incorporated into the story. The unconscious mind will automatically use what parts they need or store it for a later time when more resources are needed to handle life’s circumstances. Storytelling using appropriate books is also effective and assists in the metaphor, although in a more generalized way. Always there is the underlying message that the child can and is solving its difficulties. Some children I see are not very articulate in expressing themselves verbally. This could be due to either developmental delays, poor language skills or fear they will not be safe if they speak of their experiences. These fears can be either conscious or not. Besides stories and art, puppets and games are all useful to assist children to find a medium to express themselves and to evaluate their strengths and difficulties. The language I use is affirming to the child, validates their feelings and encourages them to be themselves.

One of the beliefs taught in the NLP training is that the unconscious mind cannot hold a negative. For instance if I say do not think of a purple house, you have to think of it first before you can know what not think of. Therefore with children I attempt to state my feedback to them in positive terms rather than negative ones. For instance, if they are having a difficult time learning I would say that school is not easy right now as opposed to its really hard. Although I may not be doing directed, specific tasks with the child, especially if they are seeing me because someone else thinks they have a problem, I am always conscious of giving positive, affirming feedback to them which suggests they are able to change. This is done with the belief that the unconscious mind accepts all information and acts with the intention of keeping the person safe.

When working with children who are true “clients”, that is they themselves have difficulties they want changed, I am able to use more direct specific techniques. This is where Time Line Therapy (tm) is effective in releasing negative emotions or changing limiting beliefs. Some children have difficulty with the concept of a time line but they are usually quite adventurous as well as imaginative and once rapport has been established, they will usually take an experimental attitude with doing this. I also use a variety of techniques from NLP such as anchoring, visual squash (which most children get into very easily and have no difficulty in imagining their conflicting parts), Hallways of the Mind is another favorite and children accept the concept very easily of the part of them that the doorway represents, changing negative emotions and new behaviour generator. In these situations the child is an active participant in making specific changes.

I often use guided imagery as a way of assisting children to understand and further explore their inner self. Imagination, pretending and fantasy are all very natural, normal states for children. They very easily access these states and really enjoy it, as it lends itself very naturally to the elements of play. In this state I am able to incorporate many positive affirmations which go directly to the child’s unconscious mind. These affirmations generally pertain to valuing oneself, experiencing love for oneself, the abilities the child has to solve their own problems and a sense of inner peacefulness. On the whole, I have found most children respond very positively. They enjoy the freedom of imagination and play. Most of the techniques used are seen as fun and are non- threatening. They always know they are there to feel happier and I always respect their inherent need to express themselves and to be heard.

Judy Tozeland can be contacted at
Trance-Action Consultants
3238 Portage Ave. Winnipeg, MB. R3K 0Y9 CANADA
(204) 945-9402 fax (204) 945-9401
email: [email protected]
web: www.trance-action.com