CHAPTER ONE. How It All Began�Dee. Page 2

It's slightly different when the music doesn't pre-exist; I'll use as an example here the writing of a duet for "Loving Emma", a musical about Lord Nelson and Lady Hamilton; the composer, Roger Webb, wanted me to write the lyric first...some composers prefer this; others, like Aznavour, write the music, or in Charles' case the whole song in French, first. Other composers, more rarely, want to sit together and let the song 'grow' organically...Petula Clark prefers us to write together like this.

So next, capability, the 'how'....and back to the duet for the show. I sit at my desk, and think first about what kind of tempo is needed at this point; who is singing; what part of the story does it have to tell; is it an 'external' or 'internal' song, i.e. sung to another character or to the audience? With this particular song Roger and I had already decided it was to be a dramatic ballad, sung by Lady Emma Hamilton and Lady Frances Nelson:- the mistress and the wife. It's the first time they've met, both husbands are present, both women truly love Nelson. We know historically that they didn't fight or row, so it has to be an 'internal' song, sung together but to the audience, not each other.

So WHAT will they sing? It is at this point I start taking different positions; stepping into each character in turn, looking at the other, at Nelson, discovering what they see, feel.It's now I realise that for all their differences, in some ways their lines could be interchangeable! So I'll remember that, and use it. It's also now that I get the first words..."How could he love her - she isn't me!" I associate again, write it down, dissociate to look at the scene on stage in my mind, what are they doing, what is Nelson doing, how will the two actresses interpret their roles?... I step into THEM. Back and forth I go, associating, dissociating, 'other'-positioning, writing down the words coming to me.

Yet when it's in full flow I'm dissociated:- I watch my creative self at work; it's almost as if a line of 'creative team' members are feeding information to the 'front man' who's at the controls (actually I'm not aware that any of my Inner Team members are male, they're all versions of me, well so far anyway).

Now I have the first draft. This is when I get up from the chair, go downstairs (yes, it's kitchen time again!), and put the kettle on. Waiting for it to boil, pacing up and down, making the tea, I sing the song to a 'dummy' tune I've made up. This is all associated, so I can really feel whether or not the words are having the effect I wanted. Then again I take up the other positions...the two characters, the two actresses, the composer (have I given him enough to write to?), the director, the audience, Nelson, Sir William Hamilton........in all, I'ver taken eleven positions to write one song! And that's counting the audience as one!!

As this show was about real people, I also experimented with going back along a timeline to put the songs into the real people's mouths, to hear if they 'rang, and sang, true'.

So perhaps you can now understand why I was disconcerted - an apt word in this context! -on that Sunday, modelling, to discover all this; and why multi - schizophrenia, if such a term exists, sprang to mind....or should I say minds!

Values and beliefs are also involved in everything I do. So why do I write, what is important to me about writing,about what I write? I can only describe it as "I write because I simply have to, because I believe it 's what I was created to do". I have never written something just for the money, or as a clever career move....if it's not going to stretch me as a writer, if it compromises my standards or integrity, I don't do it.

As for Identity, well, which one? Seriously though...I used to believe "I am what I do":- now I realise that I was uneasy every time I'd say that because it seemed to imply no choice. As an options person, and very towards, I now say "I do what I am".