Stories About Relationships
HEAD, BODY, & HEART.
As she watched her man sitting back in his armchair, with his legs stretched out in front of him, can of Stella in his hand, absorbed in the Athletics on the telly, she marvelled at how he could do that!
How, with all the problems he had at work right now, he could ‘switch off’, seem to stop thinking, worrying, and just BE!
“It’s not as if he’s stupid”, she said to herself. “He’s a clever man - he’s got a good head on his shoulders. He always thinks things through. Sometimes it’s even as if he’s not with us at all, like he can get right into some other place, where he doesn’t feel, or react emotionally. Where he just works things out logically”
She looked at him, as his eyes stared at the screen. “ I’d like to be inside his head right now”, she mused. “Find out how he does it”.
He watched the two men running, leading the Marathon, each one totally into his individual race. He wondered how they could do that - be carrying out a mental strategy, a plan, yet expressing it so brilliantly, physically? At least, he THOUGHT they must have a pre-race plan - he certainly would, and he wouldn’t STOP thinking, all the way round.
But what was going through Baldini’s mind while he was running? He seemed to be responding instinctively to the Swiss guy’s unexpected challenge, as if he just trusted that his body knew what to do.
“So when will the Italian kick for home?”, he wondered. “How will he decide? Is he thinking about that, or will his body just KNOW again? And will there be any clue that he’s about to do it?”
At that moment, he noticed Baldini taking a deep breath - and suddenly he was three metres ahead, and still pulling away. “Wow!”, he thought admiringly. “Look at that! Now THAT’S what I call guts…….. and gut instinct! As if his body had a mind of its own, and just sensed that was the moment to go for it! I wish I could find out how he does it, so I could be like that - trust my instincts, be totally ‘out there’, instead of stuck inside my own head, always thinking, or making myself consciously NOT think!”
She watched him watching, noticed his fingers began to play on the beercan, as if running to the rhythm of the champion about to cross the line.
“I wonder if he’s even aware he’s doing it”, she thought. “Maybe some part of him believes it’ll make him more physical himself!” And she laughed quietly, affectionately, as the cheering came from the Swedish stadium.
“How funny we all are - all wanting to be like someone else!”
She went into the kitchen, to start getting the tea. He always liked to eat early, and it pleased her to please him. She was really looking forward to getting back to the romantic book she was reading, yet it made her feel happy to be needed.
“I suppose I just love him”, she thought, as she turned on the oven.
THE SEVEN PILLARS OF A LOVING RELATIONSHIP
A Few Words On The Art Of Living In Harmony.
Be all you can to each other, while remembering that no-one can be all things to anyone.
Always speak the truth…… but not always all of it!
Try to see eye to eye on everything, but learn when to look the other way.
Although at this moment you think you will never be angry with each other, heated words are at some time inevitable, and can be painful - but cold silences hurt more.
Learn to compromise - but never compromise your soul, for it is the part of you that touches and is part of all the Universe: and to truly live in harmony with one other person, you have to be congruent with yourself, and in harmony
with your world.
Loving does not mean owning your partner: so give each other space - no-one grows in someone else’s shadow.
And finally - may you have the ability and resolve to change what can be changed; the strength to accept what cannot; and the wisdom to know the difference!
Communication Success Secrets # 1
Want to gain magical rapport with a client! Then DRIVE THEIR BMW!!
We’ve probably all heard the saying; “You can’t know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” Or as author Harper Lee wrote in To Kill A Mockingbird, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
Well Communication Success Secret # is profound - you can’t really know someone until you’ve driven their BMW……! Until you’ve ‘driven’ the ‘vehicle’ they use to navigate their world. What if you can ‘jump into’ another person? ‘Step inside’ them, be ‘in’ that person, figuratively walk a mile in their shoes, drive a mile in their vehicle of life? In this Business Success Secret you are going to learn how to do just that with your business prospects:- ‘experience’ them, their decision - making mechanisms, their motivation strategies, their emotional states - from the inside! - so that you can better give them what they need from you, and get what you need in return
But why do we call it “Driving their BMW?”
Okay - you probably know we just can’t keep a secret. Our internal thinking and feeling can always be observed by others through our external behaviour… our BMW - Body, Music (Voice), and Words.
So if you can mimic or model someone’s BMW you can get a good understanding of how they think, feel and tick.
B – Body: physiology, movements, gestures, breathing, eye patterns
M – Music: voice qualities - volume, tempo, timbre
W – Words: key words, values, beliefs, preferences
Our unconscious mind is a goal-seeking mechanism, and a pattern - recognition device that is incredibly brilliant. It can immediately pick up the characteristics of others, so that when we step into them, it already has formulated what we’re going to be experiencing.
So how DO we step into someone’s BMW? Well, think of your client… now imagine in your mind that you ARE them. It’s that simple. When you step into their BMW, your unconscious mind can very quickly build a pattern of who and what they are - what’s important to them, what they believe, what emotional state they’re in, how they’re thinking – basically how they tick! Once you step into their BMW, you’re modelling them, or mirroring them so completely and so powerfully, that the results can be startling both for you and for the person themselves!
But what if you work with people on the phone, and you have no idea what they look like? Could you do the same thing anyway? Sure. What is it that you know about that person when you’re talking to them? They’ve got a phone to their ear, you can discern their breathing,: and they’ve got a voice, and their voice has characteristics, and those characteristics have conditions that your unconscious mind has heard before.
When you ‘step in’, you want to leave yourself behind and see through their eyes, hear through their ears, feel with their emotions etc. When you do this, you know them so well that it establishes rapport at a very, very profound and deep level. Once you’re ‘in’ them, you’ve really moved along the process of rapport, and you’ve moved it along because you’re so completely identifying with all their senses, their behaviours, and all of who they are.
And you can make this even more powerful in a couple of ways. First, marvel at what it feels like to be their weight, their height, and what their clothes feel like. If the person is of the opposite sex, you might feel what it feels like to be a woman or a man, whatever the case may be, and actually take on those characteristics (within reason!).
What are their physical characteristics? How does it feel to have those characteristics? Notice when you step into the other person, where you feel the connection to them. Do you feel the connection in your stomach, in your feet, in your hands, in your chest, in your head? By asking yourself these questions you’ll deepen the rapport.
This is incredibly powerful.
Top communicators and negotiators are able to put themselves not just in other people’s shoes, but actually ‘in’ other people, and experience situations as if they were them. Consequently, they are able to present ideas and thoughts in a way that fits the state of the person or people they're with.
For example, I was coaching a sales consultant to prepare for a sales opportunity. Although he had ‘pitched’ for a number of potential contracts over the last year, he hadn’t won any of them. I asked him who would be at the upcoming meeting. He identified three key individuals. We were in his office, and I asked him to move to three different locations in the office, representing these three individuals, and step inside each one in turn – and ‘drive’ their BMWs. Acting as if, I asked him, while he was ‘being’ each of them, “ What do you want from your supplier? What is important about this for you and your company? What are the key qualities you want in the supplier’s personnel and their company?” etc. I also used our Business Success Secret #1 “From can DO to Can DID!”, and asked “How would you know this supplier had achieved it in 3 months? Or 6 months? Etc.. ”
Having ’experienced’ how each of these three key individuals were thinking, feeling, and believing, by ‘driving’ their BMWs - by being their Bodies, Music(voice) and Words – he went to the meeting really knowing them, and immediately was able to establish amazing rapport……. and got the contract!
From ‘CAN DO’ to ‘CAN DID’……..!
In today’s economic climate, we all have to do more with less, and so we’re told that there’s a real and imperative need for a ‘can do’ attitude. Yet one of the most powerful secrets of business success is not just a ‘can do’ attitude, but an ability to ‘live’ your goals backwards. – in other words, to have a ‘can did!’ attitude instead…… and the ability to action it!
So here’s the secret of how to do this:-
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TLC…… THE TENDER LOVING CARE OF TEACHING, LEARNING, AND THE CHILD.
When I was a child, there were two constants in my life….I loved learning; and I hated school. The two were apparently incompatible – with a couple of notable exceptions.
In my Primary school it was George Breeze, the music teacher. The first time I had a lesson with him I sat reluctantly at the piano, waiting for instructions, Instruction! But he simply asked me what I wanted from music, and what it would be like when I got it. Sharing that with Mr Breeze crystallised it in my own head, and also made me feel comfortable…..in rapport with myself as well as with him.
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© NEW OCEANS 2012