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Stories For The Arts


Gloria came to see me, excited and also anxious. In her twenties, small and attractive, she explained that she was a singer, and had just been offered what could be her first real opportunity to, as she put it, “break through to the big time!” ……the chance to audition for The X Factor TV show.

“So please can you coach me to pass the audition?”, she asked me. And much to her dismay, I replied

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that”

“Is it because you haven’t heard me sing?”

“No…actually that’s got nothing to do with it”, I told her.

“Then why won’t you help me?”

“I didn’t say that I won’t help you, Gloria - I just can’t help you with that particular outcome”.

Then I explained what I meant: when we have a goal, an outcome, we want to achieve, certain conditions have to be in place in order for us to achieve it:-

We have to believe that it’s possible

We have to believe that it’s possible for someone like us

We have to believe that we deserve it

Then, if we can answer 100% “Yes” to these, next it helps if it’s something we’re moving towards rather than something we’re moving away from, and we have to be able to give our Unconscious mind a detailed clear picture in our head of what it will be like when we’ve achieved it - what we’ll be wearing, what we’ll be seeing, hearing, feeling, who else will be there, as if we’re actually in the future,living it…..

“But I can do all of that!” Gloria exclaimed.

“Great! That’s great! And I can see by your eye movements that you’re actually there in your head now as well, which is also how we make things happen” I said.

“But still, what’s missing is the most important condition needed for achieving an outcome - to OWN IT”

“What does that mean?” she asked, looking puzzled

So I told her that if your goal depends mostly on you yourself to take action, then it’s yours, you own it. However, if it depends mostly on other people taking action, then it’s much, much more difficult to achieve - you’re not in control, it’s like someone else is ‘driving your car’, and deciding where you’re going!

“And in this case, that’s exactly why I can’t help you pass the audition - because you don’t own that outcome - Simon Cowell and the other judges do! What I can help you with is reframing what you want to an outcome or goal that you do own. Tell me…..what else could you get out of this audition, as well as wanting to get on The X Factor? ”.

Gloria thought about this for a few moments. Then she said

“Well, .I suppose I could try and find out exactly what Simon Cowell and the others are actually looking for this year…..and it will be great to have the experience of a big audition, for my future career…………..and I suppose I could also really “enjoy it!”

“Wow!” I laughed. “Instead of one outcome that you don’t own, you’ve now got three that you do! And these I most definitely can and will help you achieve!” So I did!

Dee Shipman 2012.



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